I woke up, full body aching…hardly able to roll out of bed…
I had to substitute my morning workout for a full body stretching routine to recover…JUST TO BE ABLE TO WORK OUT MORE THE SAME DAY. No one gives a fuck besides me. I still cranked out 300 situps and 100 burpees…and tomorrow there will be more lifting, and running, and squatting, and situps, and burpees.
The world will continue to not give a fuck. I grew up an attention whore…I wanted people to like me…I didn’t even know I carried that desire. I just lived in ways that always created attention vacuums with perfect strangers, which sort of pegged me as a charming extrovert, but I was basically a hard case need machine.
The truth is most people are like that. We are so dopamine jacked by media that it becomes a desperate need…like me…want me…ask about me…listen to me…look at me…even if I pretend to hate it. We’ve lost the connection with each other…but in order to lose that…you have to lose the connection with yourself, first.
So…up early…work out (running, lifting, squatting, kettlebell swinging) …meditate…morning groceries…mostly meats…
Study Law…create site content…create social content…read…the list goes on and on…and no one gives a fuck. It’s been so long since anyone has even acted like they give a fuck and when they do I just hate it because it’s coming from pity and not pride…
Motherfuckers like you more when they can feel sorry for you…when you become a source of charitable contribution…but those same people get mad or confrontational when you finally start to climb your way out…’Don’t forget where you came from…You used to be a loser.’
Crabs in a fucking bucket wearing masks to pretend they aren’t crabs.
Who cares…
What I’m saying is the most important shit you will do will be in silence…and in solitude…
Eating the right food…working your ass off…studying…
Only to grow old and die, to then either never exist again…or maybe to reincarnate…or maybe to go to a magical heaven…or to go to another dimension…
So many options of what could possibly happen that it’s pretty easy to just assume that no one has a fucking clue about what happens after death besides decomposing.
When you finally get it…and you look at yourself and you’re just not anywhere close to where you want to be…you get angry…you get fucking angry…
You see all the time you wasted being scared and tiptoeing around people’s opinions.
You see all the times you should have worked harder instead of taking a break.
It becomes the first sign of all the regret you will experience if you don’t pull the trigger.
Wanna know something even crazier?
It’s becomes an obsession.
You get so good at reaching the next level and then the next and then the next…you just realize more and more what you are truly fucking capable of.
So you push even harder…then it get’s real…then you get to the point where you blow your own mind.
You cross over into the ego and it becomes the tool that compliments your hard work ethic…no one can talk shit on you when you can out work them…no one can make you feel like you’re going to miss out when you are the main attraction…you become a ‘God’ by habit…a creator…
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